These are the ones I’ve selected. Others could have been included I suppose but I really tried to think through everything we’ve done and present these as true defining moments in chronological order that shaped my behavior.
1. Pissing for you the first time. This happened years ago and we really didn’t go much beyond this for well over two years or so, but that day when I finally agreed to strip naked and piss on towels for you, a 17 y/o girl at that time I believe, was probably the beginning of my servitude to you. If I recall, Kelly wasn’t thrilled about it and I did it behind her back and without her permission. Perhaps she, in retrospect, was concerned about your uncanny ability to get inside someone’s head.
2. Staying naked all day. I’m not sure when this began; well over a year ago if not two years ago. This was such a simple little thing, but being nude most of the days and weeks that crept by defined my servitude to Jody and made me realize hour after hour that I was serving her, even when she weren’t here. It also marked a fascination within me about serving someone so young who had such power over me. Later my nakdness was combined with pissing, crapping and pain, emphasizing that I’m not in control of my own body. As I write this I am naked.
3. Your response to my letter. Last summer I wrote you a letter that said no more serving your ass and shit scenes and no more underage. I was adamant when I wrote it; I had to break that cycle. Then three days later, I backed down because you were stronger than I was. In a way I surrendered my better judgment to you and realized I needed you in a way I’d never imagined.
4. Enemas. You insisted for weeks that I start this routine. I resisted until finally I saw it was futile and this was an issue that simply wasn’t going away. When I look back it was a key link in the chain of events to continually degrade me and prepared me for things to come in the future, things I’m sure you were already contemplating.
5. Ordering me to cut my hair and spend the night in the cage. After your friend in Florida told you that a good sub would be willing to do this, I cut about an inch off and rubbed it all over me that night like you told me to. You directed me to sleep in the cage with a butt plug in me, piss in a bowl, etc. This was mind boggling and probably as strong an indication as anything up to that point that you controlled me. The next day, I sat in the cage naked and drunk most of the day, not functioning like a human but an animal while you did normal things. I entered a higher level of degradation. One thing that was so seemingly insignificant that night was that you wanted an email from me marked at 2 am which meant that I’d deprive myself of sleep to honor your requests.
6. The evening you went out bar hopping. You directed me to my cage again all night, while you went partying. You watching the emails I sent, the number increasing as you partied with friends, telling them about me and as I recall, them saying I was an animal. I could envision you laughing to yourself while I was sitting here in the reality of being caged; humiliating myself in ways I’d never done before. That single thought constantly humiliates me every time I think about it. It’s been a huge reinforcement of my position as slave and your position as domme'. You told me you had a really good laugh at my expense that night and how your friends laughed at me also. I think this defined something about our relationship, something no other domme had been able to do. This was followed the next morning by Belinda being with you and laughing at me long distance. All of this combined made me realize what a slave I’d become without even realizing it.
7. Posting me on web sites. Pressing me to go forward and meet people was an experience I never considered at all. To me this signified total power exchange, you taking control of my life. I began chatting with black dommes, such a huge step for me at the time. In posting me you made me move past my normal boundaries, growing into your total whore, beginning a journey that was a major step in my letting go.
8. Meeting Brian and Lisa as a result of my net ad. This was the start of my descent into becoming a real slut and whore. I fought you, resisted you on this for weeks. And then my worst nightmare came true, someone saw me who knows me. I’ll never forget how scared I was but look where it’s taken me. My first encounter with Lisa was so seemingly outrageous, eating her at Brian’s but now looking back it’s so tame. I was so frazzled; you kept refocusing me.
9. Meeting Tabitha. This was in so many ways the ultimate defining moment, serving my first black woman sexually, being treated like a slave, used as a toilet and actually paying for the privilege of doing it. Seeing Tabitha frightened me so much I peed on the floor. Lisa was so astute and I’ll never forget one thing she said a day or two later, that you’d told her she could do anything to me and damned if you weren’t right. I remember you telling me it was just the beginning. Little did I know how right you were and how much you controlled me from that point on directing me to become their fuck toy, their pain pig and toilet.
10. Serving Britney. After being teased by Britney obviously with your and Lisa's encouragement, I served her everyway possible and took tons of verbal humiliation in her mocking manner as if I were no more than a doormat. I became her fuck toy, her toilet for golden and felt totally degraded. Though I haven’t seen her in months there's still a warm remembrance of her youthful bratty power over me.
11. Tisha enters my life. If someone had asked me a year ago if I’d ever yield to your desire to meet a black domme I’d have said they’re crazy, but here I was, beginning servitude to someone completely foreign to me. You had pushed me so many times before and at this moment, I was too weak to resist. In taking this step you continually reminded me how I was beneath not just Tisha but all black women and my life was now dedicated to serving them as their slave. This step led me to repeatedly serve scads of black women and I became their fuck toy, an object of pain and degradation and also their maid. Now I am nothing more than a whore to blacks and sometimes pay for the experience of letting them use me in anyway that brings them pleasure and gives them a cumm. Truthfully my whole body is now an object for black women to get off on. It really doesn’t make any difference what they want to do; I know I’m theirs to use.
12. Becoming a toilet. I have no idea the conversations that occurred between you and Tisha over this subject but I can well imagine that you instilled the idea in her head early on before it actually happened. I’ll never forget that moment when I was placed in the tub and tied and that first of 3 black asses pointed back at me. I let go; I accepted it knowing I’d reached a state of humiliation I’d previously been unable to fathom. Even though it’s happened again since this initial time, this moment marked me as your true slave.
1. Pissing for you the first time. This happened years ago and we really didn’t go much beyond this for well over two years or so, but that day when I finally agreed to strip naked and piss on towels for you, a 17 y/o girl at that time I believe, was probably the beginning of my servitude to you. If I recall, Kelly wasn’t thrilled about it and I did it behind her back and without her permission. Perhaps she, in retrospect, was concerned about your uncanny ability to get inside someone’s head.
2. Staying naked all day. I’m not sure when this began; well over a year ago if not two years ago. This was such a simple little thing, but being nude most of the days and weeks that crept by defined my servitude to Jody and made me realize hour after hour that I was serving her, even when she weren’t here. It also marked a fascination within me about serving someone so young who had such power over me. Later my nakdness was combined with pissing, crapping and pain, emphasizing that I’m not in control of my own body. As I write this I am naked.
3. Your response to my letter. Last summer I wrote you a letter that said no more serving your ass and shit scenes and no more underage. I was adamant when I wrote it; I had to break that cycle. Then three days later, I backed down because you were stronger than I was. In a way I surrendered my better judgment to you and realized I needed you in a way I’d never imagined.
4. Enemas. You insisted for weeks that I start this routine. I resisted until finally I saw it was futile and this was an issue that simply wasn’t going away. When I look back it was a key link in the chain of events to continually degrade me and prepared me for things to come in the future, things I’m sure you were already contemplating.
5. Ordering me to cut my hair and spend the night in the cage. After your friend in Florida told you that a good sub would be willing to do this, I cut about an inch off and rubbed it all over me that night like you told me to. You directed me to sleep in the cage with a butt plug in me, piss in a bowl, etc. This was mind boggling and probably as strong an indication as anything up to that point that you controlled me. The next day, I sat in the cage naked and drunk most of the day, not functioning like a human but an animal while you did normal things. I entered a higher level of degradation. One thing that was so seemingly insignificant that night was that you wanted an email from me marked at 2 am which meant that I’d deprive myself of sleep to honor your requests.
6. The evening you went out bar hopping. You directed me to my cage again all night, while you went partying. You watching the emails I sent, the number increasing as you partied with friends, telling them about me and as I recall, them saying I was an animal. I could envision you laughing to yourself while I was sitting here in the reality of being caged; humiliating myself in ways I’d never done before. That single thought constantly humiliates me every time I think about it. It’s been a huge reinforcement of my position as slave and your position as domme'. You told me you had a really good laugh at my expense that night and how your friends laughed at me also. I think this defined something about our relationship, something no other domme had been able to do. This was followed the next morning by Belinda being with you and laughing at me long distance. All of this combined made me realize what a slave I’d become without even realizing it.
7. Posting me on web sites. Pressing me to go forward and meet people was an experience I never considered at all. To me this signified total power exchange, you taking control of my life. I began chatting with black dommes, such a huge step for me at the time. In posting me you made me move past my normal boundaries, growing into your total whore, beginning a journey that was a major step in my letting go.
8. Meeting Brian and Lisa as a result of my net ad. This was the start of my descent into becoming a real slut and whore. I fought you, resisted you on this for weeks. And then my worst nightmare came true, someone saw me who knows me. I’ll never forget how scared I was but look where it’s taken me. My first encounter with Lisa was so seemingly outrageous, eating her at Brian’s but now looking back it’s so tame. I was so frazzled; you kept refocusing me.
9. Meeting Tabitha. This was in so many ways the ultimate defining moment, serving my first black woman sexually, being treated like a slave, used as a toilet and actually paying for the privilege of doing it. Seeing Tabitha frightened me so much I peed on the floor. Lisa was so astute and I’ll never forget one thing she said a day or two later, that you’d told her she could do anything to me and damned if you weren’t right. I remember you telling me it was just the beginning. Little did I know how right you were and how much you controlled me from that point on directing me to become their fuck toy, their pain pig and toilet.
10. Serving Britney. After being teased by Britney obviously with your and Lisa's encouragement, I served her everyway possible and took tons of verbal humiliation in her mocking manner as if I were no more than a doormat. I became her fuck toy, her toilet for golden and felt totally degraded. Though I haven’t seen her in months there's still a warm remembrance of her youthful bratty power over me.
11. Tisha enters my life. If someone had asked me a year ago if I’d ever yield to your desire to meet a black domme I’d have said they’re crazy, but here I was, beginning servitude to someone completely foreign to me. You had pushed me so many times before and at this moment, I was too weak to resist. In taking this step you continually reminded me how I was beneath not just Tisha but all black women and my life was now dedicated to serving them as their slave. This step led me to repeatedly serve scads of black women and I became their fuck toy, an object of pain and degradation and also their maid. Now I am nothing more than a whore to blacks and sometimes pay for the experience of letting them use me in anyway that brings them pleasure and gives them a cumm. Truthfully my whole body is now an object for black women to get off on. It really doesn’t make any difference what they want to do; I know I’m theirs to use.
12. Becoming a toilet. I have no idea the conversations that occurred between you and Tisha over this subject but I can well imagine that you instilled the idea in her head early on before it actually happened. I’ll never forget that moment when I was placed in the tub and tied and that first of 3 black asses pointed back at me. I let go; I accepted it knowing I’d reached a state of humiliation I’d previously been unable to fathom. Even though it’s happened again since this initial time, this moment marked me as your true slave.
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