Feb 27 2011: Murielle's Philosophy

Murielle, a woman I met this past weekend when I was with Jas, used me as entertainment for a black couple. Truthfully it was both humiliaring and stimulating.

When the guests departed, she, Jas and I went into the living room. We shared a joint and she got really philosophical (stoned?). She said the couple liked me and the woman who was here tonight is pretty typical of a lot of black women; they tend to dislike white women because they live a life of privilege and do not understand the daily issues facing black women. Given the choice, a black woman will always choose friends of her own race because she doesn’t have to pretend anything to them and is free to act the way she wants to; they're sisters of the blood. But with white women, every day they have to prove that they are as worthy as they are. She said a lot of black women are still trying to reverse the effects of slavery, being treated like animals and property, of rape, broken homes, torture, abuse, and being treated like second class citizens.

In those rare instances when they find a white woman who has let her guard down and is vulnerable, especially one like me who is pretty and apparently successful, (her words, not mine) they relish the thought of gaining the upper hand and taking the opportunity to exert superiority and get even with whitey. (Katrina and I had similar conversations, especially at the beginning of our relationship.) Even if Jas hadn’t led me in here tonight, if she (Murielle) passed me on the street she’d know I was easy pickings. She knew a bunch of women who’d love to be here tonight and even at this hour of them morning if she called and told them there was a white woman who was available to abuse, half of them would come, even if they had to drag their “youngins” with them.

Mentally, I thought of the speech I prepared (and wasted) on Sophia and Ophelia. But I didn’t mention it.

She wanted to keep talking and know more about who I fucked. I told her sometime I’ll tell her the whole story but I was getting tired and between the two of us, I was in better shape to drive home than Jas. Although Murielle seemed crude at first she truly has developed quite a perspective, mostly from hooking and using white women to make money. She said what she did with me tonight, she's done before and sometimes white women pay her to use them.

I begged off any further conversation; I was extremely worn out from being used. However I did promise to return and share more.